Another Super-Bowl Sunday comes and goes..

The morning of February 5, 2006 my team the Seattle Seahawks were preparing for their very first Super Bowl Sunday game as I prepared for my first hosting of my teams visit to the big games by throwing a party at my home.

Before the game could even start, as I hurried around preparing for the Big Day my phone rings. My Dad calls to say “Good Luck Today” “I’ll be routing for your Seahawks” we chatted and I said, got to go Dad. Still lots to do. Less then a hour after I hung up the phone, the phone rings again and the words uttered at the other end of that line dropped me to my knees. My dad was found dead when they went looking for him because he didn’t return from a walk he ventured out on with his dog.

As people showed for the party my husband shared the news and people graciously left as I sat by myself in tears for the better part of the day. Several

Super Bowls past before I even watched again as it was a reminder of all I put off that now could never transpire.

The one day I realized if it weren’t for the Seahawks making it to the Big Game on that very day, I wouldn’t even have had the opportunity to share the conversation we had that Morning. So looking at the glass half full, I was blessed to at least have that.

So I’m back to watching the big game but it’s still a reminder of all that was lost. A reminder that tomorrow is not promised. That putting off until tomorrow what should be done today is a risk that sometimes can’t be undone.

If you were here today Dad, I’d call you to say, Rhonda is better today then I’ve heard her be ever in my adult life. I know you always worried that she’d never find a path to some sort of wellness.

I’d call to say I love you, just because..

So if you love someone make sure you let them know. If you need to be someplace, get there.. because putting it off could very well mean it will never happen.

Growing up Broken..

There has just been a few times in my life I’ve opened up publicly about all I’ve been through. All I’ve walked away from and all I’ve turned my back on. I never look back or use the past as a crutch. I always keep moving forward. I don’t dwell on all I’ve been though even though at times I have to push it back down when the pain from the past starts to creep out of my inner soul.

Sometimes there seems to be no reason for the memories that cause the anxiety to shows it’s painful way to the surface and other times people whom chose to not put the abusive and violent ways behind them try to come at you and in some ways as if to try to guilt me into their failures or lack of strength to walk away like I did. They treat me like I was given a “break” to make it out of the viscous cycle I was born into.

The only break I got was a broken back.. literally.. No one handed me anything, not even a reached out hand.. I made the choice to find the path that took me out of that past I have worked so hard to put behind me.When I think about it though I have to give credit to one event. A event that shaped the beginning of the process of me changing and choosing a different path. It was the Day I saw Jesus. I know. You think I’m crazy. It was a day Like so many others.. fighting, yelling, beating in a trailer we lived in that was 10 ft wide maybe. The bedrooms very small. A twin bed along one wall that took up almost the entire width of the room, but there was just enough for my little body at 11 years old to fit between the wall and the end of the bed. I hid there repeating to myself ” I don’t want this life. God please help me” I remember saying it over and over and then I heard a mans voice speaking softly but firmly “This is not the life you have to have” I heard him say “I will always be by your side if you always hear me I will Lead you out” looking up from the corner of the floor where I was hiding, towards the door, I saw a light in the shape of a man.. I remember sitting there and a peaceful calm came over me. It was from that moment I knew to listen intently and I will find my way out. And that has been what I have done. For nearly 42 years now that’s been my roadmap. I talk to him daily and many times I get caught. People say, are you talking to yourself and I just say yes. But I know I’m talking to him. And I know he listens.

Years can go by and all is good and then something comes up that brings it all back.

Then I’m trapped in this spiral of feelings .. yes it’s family, but it’s family that if I stayed anywhere near them, their addictions, abusive behaviors and unlawful activities would have drug me down with them. Multiple prison terms for many of them, years and years and years of drug abuse and drug trafficking, prostitution for some has caught up to them. One in the Hospital tetoring at deaths door, another one homeless but still choosing to use and abuse .. and somehow it comes back to me as “My Fault” or “My Responsibility” to make life better for them, yet never, not once did they ever set out to make a better life for themselves.

What I needed today as I woke up to this was the day God provided for me. A day with what I know is most important. A day that is hard to make happen as my kids are adults. But today out of know where it came together and it was so needed. A reminder to me why I took the path I took. The path that led me to a loving husband and two beautiful kids that love their family. Kids that unlike me never saw the ugliness I saw as a child.

I stopped the cycle of abuse. I broke the odds. Today was a reminder to me that I did the right thing. And I’m not done. God put me on this path of strong and virtuous life to change this World where I can and I know I’m not done.

Tonight I’ll go to bed thankful for today and prayful for tomorrow. To know what direction or path to take as one life could be coming to a end. I pray that somehow God has been on the same path with them too.

If your out there and you think you want to break the cycle of abuse. Please trust God and find your strength to do it for you and for those you can bring into this world because you did.

Enrich your life in many ways.. Find a Church home.. The Message you hear might just be for you <3

This was the Worship Service at my Church a few Sundays ago.. As I sat there and listened to Pastor Randy, I heard his message loud and clear and it also hit home that these 4 principles are key to our success in so many areas of our lives.. If you are in Modesto I challenge you to come to “The Well” Church.. The teachings there will most importantly strengthen your spiritual life.. Give you a strong relationship with God, and quite possibly Change your life.. if you are not in Modesto you can watch the Worship Service from “The Well” at https://vimeo.com/78270523 God Bless and I hope to see you at The Well ♥

10 8 1

1b2b

3b

6

5

Sermon-102713 from The Well on Vimeo.

Sermon-102713 from The Well on Vimeo.

“Here Comes The Boom” sermon from Pastor Randy Balling at The Well Church, Modesto Ca

Today the Message at Church was a powerful one.. I am going to try to share Pastor Randy’s message with you as best as I can..

“Here Comes The Boom”
Overcoming Relationship Hurt
“Hope for Hurting Hearts” – part 1

Belief is more important than WILLPOWER.  When we think of willpower especially this time of year we think of our New Year Resolution that we probably just made a commitment to.. Research has shown that willpower is really “What level of belief do you have to succeed in what you have embarked on?” Without belief in success, there is no willpower.

When you are going through life and everything is plugging along and you believe with all your heart that life is just as it should be then the “BOOM” happens!! That unexpected hurt, disappointment, hits you like a ton of bricks. A relationship you had formed that you put all your energy and trust betrays you.. Not just once but maybe even twice.. why does this happen, Because as Christians we forgive, but we also at times give our Trust back to fast.. I know I have situations where I have done just this.. I realize it and actually tell myself, Shame on them for them placing the BOOM on me in the beginning, but isn’t it Shame on US for allowing them to have our trust back so fast. that  we have actuallu allowed it to happen again.. Have you ever found yourself in that same type of situation.. WE all have.. Is revenge ever a viable option.. NO,  and that is something I have also believed.. I believe that God will be the servant to avenge.. In my own words I have always said, Those who live a selfish, non serving life, that hurt those around them, that “GOD WILL BRING THEM TO THEIR KNEES..” And he will in Time when the lesson is right to be served upon .. Your Belief Beyond the BOOM Needs to Be “God will make something GOOD from this Hurt.. and let your healing process begin.. Something Good will come of it.. It might take time, It might not even be noticeable when it happens, but it will happen, as long as you have Belief to get through it.. and you will realize as you look back that it did..

Someone “Will SIN” against you.. You will be saddened, angry and will have to be around this person and others that know you and how you were hurt.. The BELIEF beyond the boom is to maintain your INTEGRITY.. You are better than the person placing the BOOM.. Don’t let their behaviors and actions that look so pristine on the outside, but you have been dealt the pain, make you become a sort of them by not holding to your Integral Beliefs.. MAINTAIN YOUR INTEGRITY and hold on to your FAITH..

People that Hurt You can Actually Change.. Although you have forgiven them you might not trust them.. But then you might come to a realization that THEY HAVE CHANGED.. It can Happen.. GOD works bigger miracles then that every day.. But be safe in waiting for the “EVIDENCE OF CHANGE” before you give your TRUST back so easily.. This behavior will protect your heart.. And when the evidence is there, Offer YOUR TRUST.. whole heartedly in the Love Of God..

SO in closing please if you take nothing else remember “You might be tempted with REVENGE but your Belief Beyond the BOOM Should be ” I’m going to leave room for God’s wrath ”

20130106-120548.jpg